Last month, I spoke to Nadja Taranzcewski of ConsciousU about the tricky kind of burnout hat comes from a loss of meaning, and why it was exploring my relationship to money, of all things, that helped move me from that burnout and identity crisis towards what feels like my calling in life: to help people and collectives liberate their creative, transformative potential by leaning into precisely the parts of ourselves that we’re the least fond of - our shadow. You can read a summary of our conversation or watch the full version here.
Money, Death and Life on Earth
The covid pandemic has been one many ongoing and connected crises that that demonstrate two human responses to crisis. The first is defensive — a fear-fuelled retreat into control, shoring up resources, separateness, some form of shut-down/escapism, rigidity or frantic doing, denial, clinging, aversion. The second is open — the crisis becomes an opportunity for creativity, agility, connecting with others and connecting of dots, seeing more clearly, a going-towards. The defensive response, paradoxically, while seemingly being about securing our existence, has the opposite effect of pushing us and other species over the edge of extinction. How, then, amidst all this volatility, insecurity and loss, can we tap into humanity’s true creative power?
I believe that part of the answer lies in our relationship to money and in our bodies. Over the past seven years, I’ve been exploring a practice developed by Peter Koenig to transform our relationship to money called Money Work. It is simple but it reaches deep, impacting the human psyche and nervous system in ways that have given me huge hope for a much needed boost in human capacity to respond to today’s challenges.
In this piece, I’m going to start pulling together some threads that need connecting to explain why and how. Broadly, these threads are to do with culture, money, fear of death and our nervous systems, and in this first piece, I am going to focus on the first three. Further down the road, I will explain what all this has to do with our nervous system and say more about the practice of Money Work. This, and the next part, are also intended for those of you already well versed in Money Work, as I believe death anxiety and neurobiology are fundamental to understanding our practice.
Continue reading here
Help or Harm? Telltale signs of 'pathological altruism'
Altruism is good, right? After all, it’s what, in the world of doing good, we’re here for — we’re here to help, in service of other beings and the planet. Not so fast, says Joan Halifax with her book ‘Standing at the Edge’: There is a dark side to altruism.
Continue reading here.
Why we get compassion fatigue - and what to do about it [podcast]
Photo by Kristopher Roller on Unsplash
Can compassion make us sick, what are the symptoms, and what can be done about it? That’s what GP turned executive coach Rachel Morris asked me about for this new episode of the podcast You Are Not A Frog. Links to the interview, and more info here.
How (not) to be a change maker [video]
©Leela Channer for CAUX-IofC
From when I was young, I knew I wanted to ‘do good’ for a living and be an altruist, help others, change the world. Here’s how it went wrong, and what surprised me, in the most personal talk I've ever had the opportunity (a.k.a nerves..) to give, last summer at Tools for Changemakers in Caux.
Click here for the talk and transcript.
Burning out for people and planet: Four dangerous self care myths
Against common preconceptions, it is possible to involve ourselves emotionally and keep our sanity when serving people and planet in difficult contexts. In many ways, it’s vital that we do. But the professions in question are ripe with myths about the role of empathy and emotions in our work — at a huge cost.
Continue reading on Medium.
Struggling with Compassion Fatigue? I have an invitation for you.
Join me for Sustained Compassion— an introduction to the practice and science of overcoming compassion fatigue and its relatives.
In October and November, I will be offering a free, 5 week online programme to support you in developing skills to overcome compassion fatigue, caregiver burnout and their relatives.
The helper and the helped: What racism and ‘helping others’ have in common, and what we can do about it
Many of us who’ve committed our lives to a social or humanitarian cause will often be adamant that we see all human beings as equal. The uncomfortable truth is none of us really do. We have biology and culture against us. If our in-built drive to constantly create a different ‘other’ is the problem behind so much of the inequality, inertia and conflict we see in our work and organisations, then what can we do to overcome it?
How to confront suffering (without shutting down your feelings)
In professions routinely confronted with suffering, it is common belief that we have a choice between emotional shutdown and emotional breakdown. But neither is a viable strategy. Neuroscience sheds light on a tried and tested alternative that can be practiced by anyone and transforms how we respond.
Empathy can plunge us into emotional distress. So much so that we get fatigued by it or, according to moral philosopher and founder of the Effective Altruism movement Peter Singer, get so trapped in it that our own relief becomes the focus of our ‘altruistic’ efforts. Some would go as far as arguing that empathy is of zero use to us when it comes to engaging in social change.
When Doing Good Feels Bad: Why looking away is not the answer
We routinely look away from pain and disillusionment in our efforts to do good. Joanna Macy’s seminal work sheds some light on the reasons for and cost of sticking our heads in the sand, and why allowing ourselves to be in pain is so vital.
Five questions you need to ask yourself if you (want to) work in international development
The British Empire in 1886, in the earlier days of its colonial expansion. ©Forgemind Active Media
How come so many who set out to tackle poverty and injustice through international aid end up feeling trapped in a system that doesn’t? And how do we undo its shackles? Researcher Olivia Rutazibwa suggests we begin by decolonising our minds.
My new job: learning to be a nobody
People keep asking me what I’m doing now that I have, by and large, let go of what’s been my bread and butter to date — working as a so-called “expert” on gender equality, and climate change and environment in the international aid world.
On pity and politeness, or why charities need a communications rethink
From the 2017 Meaning Conference in Brighton
Vickie Hawkins at Meaning 2017, speaking about MSF’s response to the refugee crisis. ©Clive Andrews
However well founded and presented, the most excruciating stories about suffering in the world keep failing to mobilise the scale of action required. Perhaps appealing to solidarity rather than pity could help charities drive identification with their cause more effectively. If anything, it would help right that messed up power relationship between the ‘generous’ and the ‘needy’ they tend to feed off.
Why it's time to get uncomfortable about 'purpose' and 'meaning'
Me and our hosts on a “field visit” in Masvingo Province, Zimbabwe, in February 2012. Having a good time, but also feeling very, very uncomfortable. © T. Rossing.
“Doing good” is all the rage. But in our pursuit of that warm glow feeling, we often overlook all the clever confusions masquerading as system change. They are “near enemies” of change, propping up a system rigged to do anything but. Welcome toThe Good Jungle.
Doing good is becoming the new currency of success for my generation of Western, middle class millennials who’re learning that putting purpose before pay check brings more happiness.
Scores of us are leaving profit-driven careers or, like me, avoid getting one in the first place, in order to pursue more meaning as social entrepreneurs, charity workers, in philanthropy or international aid, corporate social responsibility or voluntourism. Social media is sprawling with offers of coaching, self help books, and retreats in the great outdoors to plot our journeys into more purposeful careers.
In so many ways, this feels like an awakening. But in other ways, it is dangerous too.